Did I get sick again? Covid, is that you? Long time no see. It’d be better if you left me alone, but I guess we don’t have much choice here, do we? While I’m knocked out by the sedatives to stop my lungs from squeezing themselves out, I ended up thinking about one of the questions I got recently. So, today, we’re answering Ron’s question:
Am I getting more stupid or is the PhD getting smarter?
Dear Ron,
What makes you think that? Here comes the brutal honesty: it sounds like a question you should take to your therapist because you know… Trust me, you know. Ehm, ehm, something stupid called imposter syndrome, sounds familiar??? Anyway, you came all the way here from a different IP address, so I better deliver.
When you start your PhD, you are young and naive and not aware of the depth of your field. So you have this blissful optimism. So, you carry this blissful optimism. But then it hits you. Hello, misery, my old friend. From time to time, you get mood boosters—papers, conferences, someone acknowledging you exist (you know how it goes, so don’t make me list everything). But the more you learn, the more incompetent you feel. It’s tricky to handle this, especially if it stops you from trying things or testing the waters. Here’s the thing: a PhD is a long journey where you specialize deeply in one topic, but when you zoom out, you see you’ve only scratched the surface. There’s a ton of detail you’ll never cover, and each detail could be another PhD topic.
Then there’s another factor we can’t ignore. We’ve talked about this before, but all these ups and downs (yes, I mean feeling miserable here) can make you fall out of love with your topic—or find something else more interesting. When that happens late in your PhD, it feels too late to start over. Instead, you sigh while stalking papers or discussions about this new topic. Eventually, you realize the depth of this new area, know only the surface, and feel even more stupid. But guess what? That deserves another PhD, tbh.
My other theory? You’re comparing yourself to other people. Are we seriously doing this? You can’t evaluate yourself or others like that. Conditions MATTER. Were/are you at NTP (Normal Temperature and Pressure) during your PhD? Some people might be. Others? Not so much. Plus, some people are just great at showing off or selling their abilities. So, to sum up, I don’t think you need to worry about this. I know it’s easier said than done, but hey, you asked me. I’m serious about taking this to your therapist. It sounds like material worth unpacking in a session.
Yours truly,
The Sassy Scientist
P.S. I’m tired. Academia is broken, and it’s breaking us all. Should I quit academia and come back here to brag about my life-work balance in the industry? or better: an early retirement, so I can go catch’em all?
