Unsettled by a well-nigh void wardrobe, Giuseppe bethinks himself of his scholarly stature and posits to moot that his foibles and idiosyncrasies are promulgated through a predilection for plebeian raiments:
What should a scientist dress like?
Dear Giuseppe,
Firstly, heave thine integral collection of aforementioned raiments atop a scorching blaze and instill upon thyself the manner they evanesce. Let thy impressions of proper habiliments dissipate in unison with the mercurial cinders and embers. Construct a novel attitude towards the sundry fabrics embracing thine flesh. Contemporary zealotry as obstreperous fastidiousness is thine wont? Begone! Virtues teetering on the brink of superciliousness? Begone! A resonant replenishment of the scientific creed is only to be accomplished through integrity and the unholy ostentation of moral merits, which withal entails a bestowal of refinement and stratum upon the eyes of thy students and confreres. The impression that erudition is squandered through disregard is not an abstruse tenet of communication, is it? The ennui of common threads presents a discomfit of Brobdingnagian proportions and a forlorn state shall persist ad infinitum.
Do I speak merely of male scholars? Unquestionably not. Be that as it may, I will cast the die of grandiosity to establish the outline of bona fide apparel for our fellow human distinguished by masculine traits. In which era were the largest strides placed upon the chart of scientific progression? The era of non-utilitarian vogue that is. The era of the gentleman scientist, when a scholar prevailed unencumbered by the straitjacket of society-endowed duress and regulatory provisos. Pro tempore all prospective accoutrements are superfluous, whereas you’ll find that the quintessential rudiments consist of a prime pair of trousers and shirt accompanied by heeled footwear. Alas, proper headwear and dress coats have not confronted the test of time successfully. Aghast by such reduction of prodigious exuberance, as one well should be, attainable adjuvant items indubitably include a motley of cravats, timepieces and waistcoats.
The female scholar represents an utterly different beast. Reined in by a parallel evolution in the principles of garb, one has to liberate their wardrobe from the supervacaneous presence of corsets, better known as authentic devices of torture. Although appurtenances are eagerly utilized and oftentimes desired to augment one’s appearance, no filigree is needed, whilst head- and handwear in non-gelid circumstances has all but receded from public view. High-heeled constructions delineating the feet are not required per se inasmuch that no toe is to be seen by prospective conversationalist, or innocent bystanders for that reason.
A sagacious obiter dictum, I would say, tendered through this medium of confabulation merits contemplation of the reader’s standing, public image and scientific berth, as any other opinion would constitute casus belli otherwise. A casus belli for those of sound mind and body that is.
Yours truly,
The Sassy Scientist
PS: This post was scrawled upon a scroll of scholarly paeans.
PS2: For those unable to parse this post, a short summary. I suggest to throw away your current wardrobe, as it reeks of pop-culture irrelevance. A proper scholar should dress as a gentleman scientist (it’s just a term, no gender bias intended here). For the gents: proper shirt, trousers and Oxfords/dress shoes are mandatory, a snazzy waistcoat is recommended, tie & pocket watch remain viable options. Top hat, cane or monocle are out of date. For the ladies: corsets, gloves and bonnet hats are out of date. Sadly, I know. Dresses do not entail many layers or details, and a ‘professional business’ attire is recommended. Again, a snazzy waistcoat is advised. Keep those toes nicely tucked in formal footwear. This constitutes a cardinal rule for any reader of any gender qualification. It seems that nowadays countries should be run like corporations, so why shouldn’t science be? Nobody ever got hurt by assigned bonuses to corporate leadership, a corporate culture of professional one-upping and equal gender opportunities? Oh wait…
