During the umpteenth conference call this week, it is finally time for Carrie to share her screen. So, naturally, she asks:
Where is the share screen button?
Dear Carrie,
I am not sure how to break this to you. Indeed, I am not sure if I should be the person telling you this. However, since you ask, I feel obliged to divulge this secret to you. Just promise me you will not tell anyone. Okay? Do I have your word? Are you sure? Very well, then.
*glances suspiciously left and right*
*whisper* There is no share screen button *whisper*
I realise this must come as a shock to you, but the truth of the matter is this: there simply is no share screen button. You must know that academia is riddled with ancient traditions being upheld purely for the sake of tradition. Sharing your screen during a conference call is one of these sacred traditions. It is really rather simple: the presenter pretends to search for the share screen button (knowing full well that there is no such thing). This then provides the cue for the other participants of the conference call that the tradition has started. When the presenter innocently asks ‘Can you see my screen now?’, custom dictates that participants agree after anything between the first or fourth time this is asked. Sometimes, if you really want to play your part, you could even mention that you can see their mouse, so that they can use it as a pointer. During the presentation, you are required to agree with everything the presenter says you are seeing on their screen (while, of course, you are staring at the presenter aimlessly talking into the void). At the end of the presentation, the presenter might cue the end of the tradition by asking how they can stop sharing their screen. Note that this ritual is not always upheld though! Sometimes the ‘share screen’ tradition will just fizzle out and be forgotten by everyone in the call, resulting in never formally ending the sharing of the screen. A key point of the tradition is that nobody acknowledges that everyone is merely playing their part. For the sake of scientific knowledge transfer, it is important to pretend you can share and see screens during a video call. I do hope that the explanation of this tradition provides some solid pointers on the conference call etiquette you really need to get under your belt at the present, trying times. At the very least you now know where to find the share screen button.
Yours truly,
The Sassy Scientist
PS: This post was written in the time it takes to find the share screen button.
